In Spring of 2021, the Central Office team of professional developers for the CUNY Adult Literacy Program invited students in all of its English for Speakers of Other Languages (ESOL), Adult Basic Education (ABE) and High School Equivalency (HSE) classes to submit writing in response to the prompt: “My Pandemic Year.”
Students at all levels responded with poems and short essays about their experiences. Beginning ESL students wrote cinquains (short five-line poems) to capture their experiences. Intermediate ESL students wrote short essays and HSE students often wrote longer ones.
The student writing here reflects the loneliness, stress, and loss so many of us felt during this extraordinary time. People lost jobs, health, and companionship. Some had to cope with crowded conditions and the tension of too many family members inhabiting a small space, while others suffered from isolation. Parents had to become teachers. One student, a health care worker, saw the ravages of COVID-19 firsthand. There was constant uncertainty, and lots of fear.
Each person coped with the challenges of the pandemic in their own way. Some took the opportunity to focus more fully on their studies. Others learned to bake vegan desserts, developed their spiritual lives, or took up pole dancing. Many writers testified that the pandemic changed their approaches to life–now it was about focusing on themselves and what they really wanted in life.
The writing here is divided into two categories. The first poems and essays were written by students in ESOL classes. The later essays were written by HSE students. For each piece of writing, you will find the author’s name, their class, program, and the name of their teacher.
Enjoy.
Kid
Busy, creative, fun
Playing, studying, walking
Confinement.
Ana Hernandez, Lehman ALC ESL class, Teacher: Margaret Ibasco
Pandemic
Difficult, quiet
Staying, studying, resting
Hard time
Covid-19
Maria Canelo, Lehman ALC ESL class, Teacher: Margaret Ibasco
Isolation
Alone, quiet
Sleeping, thinking, tiring
Isolation is the most depressing situation during the quarantine
Because you have to be alone in the room from everything
Quarantine
Maria Pimentel, Lehman ALC ESL Class, Teacher: Margaret Ibasco
Pandemic
Worried, Uncertain
Thinking, stressing, discussing
A big lesson
Pandemic
Rosalba Lucero, Lehman ALC ESL class, Teacher: Margaret Ibasco
Online school
House, learn
Listening, watching, stressing
Computer, cell phones, Ipad
Distance Learning.
Susan Fortino, Lehman ALC ESL class, Teacher: Margaret Ibasco
Black lives matter
Can’t breathe
Dying, fighting, harassing
Sad, injustice, racist
George Floyd
Susan Fortino, Lehman ALC ESL class, Teacher: Margaret Ibasco
Pandemic
Difficulty, unsure
Unemployed,
Staying in home and
So worried about
That situation
Jones Hernandez, Lehman ALC ESL class, Teacher: Margaret Ibasco
My year of the pandemic was full of challenges and new beginnings. Days before New York City was officially closed, I moved with my family to another neighborhood. It was something totally different for us because we were used to life in the Bronx where you have Hispanic food all over the street and the bodega near your house. We had to adapt to Brooklyn surrounded by other types of food and new places to visit. It was a year full of challenges for my children as well, especially for my youngest daughter who had to drastically change her dynamics from school and personal learning to virtual classes. My daughter, just 4 years old, did not understand why she could not return to her school, share with her friends, have regular activities with her classmates and classes, and go out to the places that we regularly attend. During that time, she always wondered why we couldn’t go play with her friends, why we couldn’t see Grandma and her uncles. My husband and I always during the most critical time of the pandemic tried to make my children at home more distracted with activities such as board games, readings, memory games among others, so that they would not hear the information from the media.
Abrahamna Guzman, BMCC ESL Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
What is that sad look in my son? Why is he staring at children playing on the playground? His usual happy face suddenly became frustrated and eyes were full of tears. We were a happy and busy family. Every day we went with my two and half year-old son to the playground. This was a favorite time to pick up rocks or sticks from the ground and play as pirates on the slide. He sat down on the grass and played with many children. I was enjoying how my little boy with sunny eyes and very loud laugh was running with our neighbors’ twins Emma and David. In winter, my son became sick with a fever of 103 F. This was a nightmare. For one week he didn’t eat or drink, and at night he was vomiting. The doctor said, “this is not the virus COVID-19.” Hmm, we didn’t know what it was.
But from March 2020 to May 2021, our life changed completely. Our family became paranoid. “Do not touch this yogurt. I didn’t put alcohol on it. Wear a mask. Do not go to the people. Do not run further than our front yard. You see people run from them.” My son was pulling me to our favorite playground. “Mommy, look, look Emma and David, I want, I want,” he cried out. I made up a story that he couldn’t go because his grandma is not allowed to go anymore. His face changed from happy to sad. Small tears fell from his cheek. He is a 3-year-old child who can’t understand why from our social life we became a paranoid family.
Now it is June 2021, and he is almost 4 years old. Now he can speak. One day he told me , “I don’t want to go to the playground,” ‘Why?” I asked. “Because I’m scared of people.” And another day, “Mommy we can go to the playground there are no people we can play with!”
Oleksandra Dalaya, BMCC ESL Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
Who had imagined that 2020 would be the year when the whole world would stop? I remember at the beginning of the year an astrologist saying that according to the planets’ transit the 2020’s energy would be to come home, but I never thought that it would be literally. Even though it was a hard year for most people, I could say that it also was a time for everyone to try new things. Why not say that all of us had the opportunity to come back to ourselves and find the meaning of life?
My pandemic year began with a couple of projects, but in the middle of March, all my projects were put off due to an invisible, but very strong, visitor who in another way showed me a new talent. I am vegan, and I love to cook, so at the beginning of the quarantine, I began to make my own vegan granola and bake cakes in a vegan version. Carrot cake, banana cake, strawberry cake, rice pudding cake, oat cookies, and a Pavlova or “merengon” (how we usually find it in my native country Colombia) were in my list of experiments. Each recipe passed the test of my guests (friends and family) who encouraged me to continue doing more things, so I decided to create an Instagram account and promote the vegan cakes that I make. The name is Mr. B the Vegan Island Bakery. The name Mr. B is in memoriam of Mr. Business, my beloved cat who passed away in May 2020. One day during the pandemic when I was making a cake for a friend’s birthday, I thought to myself that we don’t have the perfect recipe for our lives, but I think that every day we have the most important ingredient “be alive” to create the most exquisite life that we can imagine.
Ivonne Torres, BMCC ESL Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
At the beginning of the pandemic, I felt scared, anxious, and worried about my children in school. On March 15, 2020 the public schools in New York City had to shut down. I also received my friend Hui Qing’s phone call; she told me that we have online classes at BMCC. I felt excited because I usually do not have much time to study. I have to take care of my children and work part time. During online classes, I felt that I improved a lot because I have more time to do my homework, and I read novels after classes. I loved the nonfiction story e-books of “Chinese Cinderella” and “Falling leaves” that Christine offered in her class. I admire the protagonist in those books. She faced many hardships, but she never gave up
A few months later, my teacher moved me to another level. My teacher is Moya. In the beginning of this class, I felt a little challenged because homework is mandatory in this class. I typed slowly, and I was not as good in computer skills, but I am glad that some students are skillful at computers in my class. We helped each other and my teacher Moya comforts us,“It is not the end of the world if you don’t know how to share your screen in class,” she said. I felt much better. I haven’t ever missed one assignment since fall in 2020. I love the way she teaches. She is one of the greatest teachers I have ever met.
On the other hand, my children are different. They spend more time playing games with their friends and watching cartoons; they missed some homework. I had a difficult time communicating with their teachers when they contacted me and at parent teacher conferences. Recently, because of my online classes, I am getting better at reading the school’s messages and communicating with my children’s teachers.
Karen Lee, BMCC ESL Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
I am a person who loves to cook and make desserts. Before the pandemic, I was busy working every day, even on my day off. I had some private things to deal with, so I chose to order takeout instead of cook. During a year of isolation, I learned how to cook and make desserts.
I learned how to beat egg whites to perfect peaks and how to knead the dough by hand. I did not do well at the beginning. Follow the video, and do it step by step. Sometimes it’s not going to work out. It sometimes gets burnt. Every oven has its “temper.” Some have high temperatures and some have low temperatures, and it takes time to figure this out.
Through continuous learning, I did better and better. The important experiences I got from my failures. Skill comes with practice! I shared with the people around me and got everyone’s praise. I got the sense of achievement, and now I am still challenging more desserts.
Wendy Lin, BMCC ESL Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
It was hard. We were afraid to go outside. We were terrified to even go and shop for food. We were disinfecting every single thing in the house, and God forbid one of us went outside to shop. We isolated that person in the bathroom for a couple hours. My family decided to make a schedule so we could have a little more structure in our new chaotic life. We scheduled our news watching, bingo nights, house cleaning, grocery shopping, and pharmacy trips. But as much as we loved to be together, we were starting to feel a little overwhelmed with each other. Being together 24/7 was a non ideal situation, especially if you live in a small apartment studio. The first four months were the hardest ones. We felt grouchy and started to argue for no reason. But somehow we bonded over Asian movies.We cooked together even though I prefer my sister’s cooking over mine (her food was tastier and the healthiest one). Looking back, I feel grateful that somehow we not only survived the virus, but the pandemic brought us closer. It was very difficult indeed, but Covid has taught us that at the end the most important thing you have in life is your health and your family.
Allison Palma, BMCC ESL Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
When the virus happened, I couldn’t go to my class in virtual life. I tried to connect with Rosa to ask about our class. She said, “we will start the zoom class. Do you have a computer?” Honestly, when zoom class started, I didn’t have a computer. I thought about my zoom classes and how to do the classes. But a few days later, my son told me you can use your phone. Then I used my phone for zoom class. The first time, I didn’t understand how to operate the class. My son helped me a lot. Thanks to all. After three months, I bought a computer for my classes. So that’s how online classes started. Life became harder for me, but at that moment, we took classes in zoom, and I also learned a lot about computers. Before I didn’t have any computer skills. After a few days, I realized computers are so easy. So it was much easier to use zoom, and I started my computer life as a pro. Zoom class was hard at the beginning but actually when I got deep into it, it was easier. I really think that my teacher Moya is a very excellent teacher and her zoom classes. So till this day I use google docs and google classroom, but it was hard to look at a screen for a long time. All the time I was very worried about my family, but I’m a lucky person because no one died in my family. Everyone is okay.
Sebina Swarna, BMCC ESL Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
2021 is the most impressive year in my whole life. I hate it but thanks to it, people have been locked at home, lost their job, lost connection with their friends. The only thing that supports us in this hell are families. Maybe that’s just me. I kinda hated my brother before we faced this pandemic year. Let’s call him a little monster. That monster ruined my homework, bullied my cat, fought with me, and kidnapped my stuff to threaten me. He gave me no reason to love him, especially because I thought he stole the love from my parents, so I moved out to live alone for a while. The funny thing is that the pandemic just forced me back to that house, as a daughter and sister.
My family is classic Chinese. They love boys instead of girls. That’s what I thought before. I yell at my brother, my mom yells at me. We both think we are on the right side. Things got worse. She threw a dish in front of me. I held up the knife and put it on my wrist, maybe death will be my final ending. Grandma’s cursing, mother’s yelling, monster’s crying. “Why am I born?” I keep asking myself, but there is no one who can answer this kind of philosophical question. When blood comes out from my wrist, I love that silence. After I opened my eyes, there’s liquid dropping on my face, the first time I saw my mom collapse like she lost everything. That’s a shame on me. I made her like that. The person who took care of me for almost twenty years, but I let her down. The monster is sitting next to me. The tear stains still on his little face, and he spoke,”sister can you please not be mad? Sister don’t cry, I will protect you.” “The truth is those words touched me at that moment. Things started changing by that day. I never knew that my brother has that sweet voice like an angel.
Joanne Wang, BMCC ESL Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
Can you believe that while the world was facing the hardest time in the economy, also for many persons this time represented opportunities and a new way to step out in a new stage of life? I define my Pandemic year as a personal growth road that showed me reflections of life in different aspects and some new opportunities.
The pandemic stimulated my willingness to think deeply about many important points of life. Some of them were about God. He was the way to try to see inside the darkness of the days. I reinforced my spiritual habits seeing my mass remotely from home and reading a spiritual book named “La Paz Interior ” by Jacques Phillipe. I remember one day how the word obedience made me figure out that it was the key to take over this hard time.
During this time, I also could measure how much I had strength over my emotions. I used to be more anxious about problems, but at this moment I felt myself in peace and I cannot say that I experienced nightmares as a lot of people did. This time made me see my self maturely and able to handle it trusting in God and being very close to Him. Indeed, I was more concerned about the opportunity that I was having with my family. I was getting more time to share experiences in the mornings with my husband and my kids without rush. We sat at the table at the same time three times a day. I also am blessed to live near relatives, and we saw ourselves and the world on a normal daily basis, living like in a marathon without stops. Those little talks became the pills to calm the mind and realize that this time was hard but it would pass and we just need to live one day at a time. This period of time also brought me the chance to be creative and think about my academic expectations, and I returned to class remotely. This was the window to start dreaming again.
Berenice Zapata, BMCC ESL Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
During the pandemic, I learned how to dance on a pole. I was so bored, I needed something else instead of push- ups, squats and abs wheel to keep myself fit and joyful. I like to dance. For a while I had been wanting a pole. I had the expectation that a pole could be too expensive, but it wasn’t. In less than a week, the pole came through the mail. It requires an ample area for performance. I figured up a circle spreading my arms spinning at a point in the middle of my room (just like the instructions say). I did move the bed and furniture to get enough space. It was easy to set up. Two bases, one series of tubes, and just three little tools (included) made the pole go to the floor to the ceiling. It uses its own height to tighten with pressure to make the pole stable and firm. It has the mode to spin or static and can support a 440 lb load. I’m 150 lbs. I set it up so well that I was never afraid that it would fall. I also bought two whole body size mirrors to watch my amateur performance during my learning kinda dangerous sexy dance. I watched videos of people dancing on a pole to copy what they do. Strength is required. You work with your own weight. To not slip, your skin has to make contact with the metal so you need less clothes. That’s the sexiness. I’m not trying to become a professional or stripper, I was just having fun during that lock up time. As soon as I learn some moves and tricks, I put my own flow, turn the music on, and start spinning around the pole, upside down, top to bottom, everything until I get confidence to open up the curtains to let my neighbors watch me. Also, I showed up when a nightclub was doing Reggaeton parties through zoom Friday nights. Everybody’s cameras were on and muted to let the host, the DJ, play Reggaeton music while we waited for the green light to show off how we were doing during that hard time pandemic, keeping somehow good vibes and energy to dance locked up, forgetting for a moment, hoping to survive.
Luis Silva, BMCC ESL Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
This pandemic year has been marked by so much tragedy. Even when we can’t change our circumstances we change our mindset. We are made to believe that the more we do and go and move, the more productive we are. Just because you are always moving doesn’t mean you are moving your life in a creative and positive direction.
This whole year as a student has been very educational. I think it’s important to recognize what you learn out of any situation, good or bad. It allowed me to explore and expand my mind and my heart and to grow in new ways. Without spending part of the year at home in relative stillness, I could not have made the realizations about the world that I did. For the first time, I was able to read and watch the news more often and more in depth and to understand the issues affecting the world.
Khadim Dieng, BMCC ESL Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
What will I remember about the year during the pandemic when I will be sitting in my room watching the view out of the window one day in 2030? To me, the memory about the pandemic year will be the English class online at BMCC, and it is the only one thing that is throughout my whole pandemic year.
When COVID-19 hit New York City, the real world shut down. Mostly my daily life was just limited in my apartment. But like many people said, “God closes a door for you at the same time a window will open for you.” The window that God opened to me is ESL class. The last class in the classroom was March 12, 2020, and our class online began in late March. Learning Zoom was a challenge, from the mute/unmute during class, to sending messages on chat, to sharing the screen. In the first two weeks, I felt very anxious. Compared with using body language to make up for the lack of listening in class, it was a bad thing.
Now I think about that period, and I seem to feel very lucky. Through the screen, I could connect with my classmates and teachers, and I could learn very helpful information. I could know I am not a separate lonely island. When I opened my eyes with the first light of every day, I knew I needed to get up and prepare to take class. Thinking about what I had learned in the class and the homework would kick out thousands of useless thoughts in my mind.
Taking ESL class online during the pandemic year not only improved my English language, but also helped me through that tough time. I remember the meaning of what my teacher, Moya, said at that time. “When we are old, when we are recollecting, it was the classmates who spent the pandemic year together in class.”
Tina Liu, BMCC ESL Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
In my pandemic year, I was one of the luckiest people because I did not lose my job. I was working as usual while the pandemic was getting worse. Covid-19 at the beginning was a big reason to strengthen ties with people, friends and family. Everything was going really great, but in February everything changed. We cannot understand and cannot realize how that guest got in our lives, but the guest was already in.
The name of the guest is covid-19, and it changed our lives. All members in our apartment got the same result, positive. Each member had to be at home, but just one got the worst part, and he was my brother Edwin. He was afraid. When the doctors told him that he must be connected to an artificial air machine, he could not take that decision and a social worker called me to get to the hospital immediately, but I couldn’t go because I was in the same situation.
They gave us no hope for him and that suffused our lives and minds with no hope. I just covered my face, and as silent tears came down, a lot of memories crossed my mind. One of them was when he helped me to finish high school. He had to work when he was really young. I wondered why him? Why not me? He had helped a lot of people. One of my answers was because he is one of the strongest people I have ever met in my life, and hope showed up.
Actually he has been at home over three weeks, and he looks great. He was in a hospital for over three months, and thank God he is doing great. A lot of his friends are celebrating his healing. They took him out, and they hugged and cried because he is so special to all of them. Thank God you are still here, Edwin Xar Quino.
Ernesto Quino, BMCC ESL Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
Hello my name is Sandra, and I’d like to share my experiences during the last year.
The coronavirus affected many people across the world. A lot of people didn’t win the fight and died. I had coronavirus which is the most terrible disease. Some days I couldn’t breathe, and I couldn’t talk. I felt my head explode from the headache and a lot of pain in my body. I felt I could not stay alive. I thought a lot about going to the hospital but didn’t because I saw the news and that people who went in a couple days died.
I was very scared and decided to stay at home because I felt if I went I would never come back to see my children and family again. I saw my children, especially my little one, and said to God, “please give me the opportunity to continue to live and care for my family.” I prayed every day to God to get me better and find the cure for this virus.
I passed three months sick and my recovery is very slow. When I walk one block I feel like I’m running five. It is so bad and sad. I feel frustrated.
I hope everything comes back to normal and everyone can enjoy it without a mask.
Sandra Yaraquan, BMCC ESL Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
Prayer is when divinity meets humanity. It’s an invocation to seek and to hear from the highest power which is God the creator of all universe.
According to the law of manufacture, most inventions have a manual as a guideline; so is a human being to search and seek the face of his creator to guide his life. So, in early January, I could hear the voice of the Spirit directing me to a prayer session about something coming up in the next month from the demonic activities. The voice was so clear to the point I could not resist, but I did not exactly get to know the kind of evil activity it can be. The next Sunday, I shared the revelation with my pastor and he asked me, “are you not in this country? Don’t you know what’s going on?” He cried out!
We all thought it was about the terrorism in Iran. I would never imagine such horrible devastating destruction in my generation against mankind. March 2020, here comes the darkness thunder upon the Universe; it was horrible, we all were freaking out. In the name of immigration, what am I far away from home? Thinking of my mom and siblings. How could they feel? There is nothing on the horizon to help us but God in the name of Jesus Christ.
Prayer is such a powerful experience to the point that I could only depend on. I am such a living testimony of prayer answered by supplications. He sees me through.
Mariam Yigo, BMCC ESL Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
In Nov 2019, I was fortunate enough to get a new job. In my family, I am the only one who is working. By March 2020, I saw the gravity of the situation, and I was sent to work from home. I was blessed because I saw so many people losing their jobs. At the same time, my son was sent to start remote learning from home.
First I have to say, I was not ready to work from home and classroom. It was easy to set up my laptop, but my small apartment was not ready to be an office, and I had to buy a desk and other stuff that I needed to have a better way to work and for my son as well. I live with other members of my family, and to find a quiet place to work sometimes was really difficult. We never knew how critical the situation was at that moment.
I have been working from home since then. I can’t say it was difficult to be in-home with 4 people in a small apartment. We respect our space and are fine. It was really stressful when we had to go out grocery shopping, trying to protect ourselves and clean everything, keeping a distance from everyone.
I am worried about my family’s mental health. My son prefers to stay at home and play videogames all day if he could. He doesn’t want to go out anymore. I have been working nonstop and even on weekends. But in the middle of this, I found positive things about staying home. I saved some money on transportation and I finally started ESOL to learn English. I pray every day to be able to keep my job. I work extra hard and most of the time I have a lot of stress. I really hope things get better for all people like me, the ones who lost their jobs and loved ones.
Alexandra Driscoll, BMCC PM Bridge Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
The Pandemic was a time where challenges and obstacles became a reality in my life. Things such as my mental health and overall just family issues. I remember it as if it were just yesterday. The news was on, telling us about this unknown illness called the Coronavirus. The world was apparently put on pause because of this disease. Things wondered in my mind. “Will we be safe from this disease?” to “Will we die and not know when things will ever go back to normal?” Yet before I knew it, this pandemic would give us all a great blow including my brother. Corona hit my family. The first one to receive it and was most affected was my brother. His anxiety and depression were at a high. He didn’t sleep in the middle of the night. He walked claiming that he wasn’t feeling well, and he began to cry. He faced emotional issues such as irritability. His mental state worried me and especially my family as well. I wasn’t sure if he was ever going to get better. I was worried he might harm himself. The depression was consuming him. I worried he might die of this disease. All of us worried that he wouldn’t improve. We took him to therapy and got him medication. Sadly things didn’t improve as I thought they would. I felt trapped in this house dealing with mental health issues of my own. I just simply wanted to go back to work again. I didn’t want to think about what my brother was going through all because I didn’t know how to help him. I just didn’t want to think about it at all really. It felt like rocks were on my shoulders like I was suffocated. All I felt was unsure, stressed. Finally, after six months things started to improve, and my brother started to recover. We are happy to see him smile and more secure in himself. After being all together as a family, we can cope with any adversity.
Katy Escobar, BMCC PM Bridge Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
My pandemic year started with lots of feelings. I did not know what was going on. I did not know what to do and what to believe. The first week was just resting and watching the news. That made me crazy. I decided to avoid the news. I didn’t have a TV anyway, so it was easy. I decided to invest time on myself. I also started to plant seeds from my own foods, like avocados and apples. They help me understand about time. Not the chronological time but the spiritual time. The time that takes Nature to develop their lives. That gave me peace and I was going day by day, taking care of my plants and learning about the time. I learned so much about myself through the plants. Then I started doing a therapy called Tetra Healing. It is a process of meditation created by Viana Stibal in 1995. That changed my life. I can say that there is a Mara before and after Tetra Healing therapy. After the second month, I was feeling a big difference in me. I knew lots of people were sad. I was concerned about everything, but I was able to separate all that from myself. That was not my life. That was a situation around me. I took a class to be a real estate salesperson. I started the Bridge class. I was walking in the park every day. I was closer to Nature. I connected so much to my soul. I changed all my life. Now I know what I want. I eat better, I choose better books to read, better friends and better thoughts. I always had a good relationship with myself but during the quarantine I developed a different one. I am starting to love myself in a proper way. I learn how to deal with my feelings. The quarantine was for me a key to a better life. I use the time to change and to be a better person to myself and for everyone around me. I am so grateful to be the way I am now.
Mara Feit, BMCC PM Bridge Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
Since the epidemic started on the other side of the world, I had been thinking about the consequences that were meant for the human being and this environment. This current crisis has had devastating repercussions for humanity. While this was happening around the world my family took the positive side of the pandemic and found a great opportunity for us to connect. We had been finding time to take up new activities together to open up and share more about our lives. Our time together created a stronger emotional bond as an ability to adapt well to this difficult situation.
Still, talking about the impact or changes that could affect our lives during and after the pandemic is not easy for my family, but we can’t ignore this enormous disaster and shield ourselves under an unrealistic perspective that the world is. As a family that overcomes difficult moments together, we found a way to keep being optimistic and determined to walk through adversity and survive.
Entering the year of the pandemic was strange, every news was about the disease. Many people I knew died and others lost their jobs but still survived.
The pandemic brought my family a year of learning. Our family had been challenged but it was an immense life experience for us. We realized that our time is one of the greatest things we can give to another and not just provide for them material things. In fact, the pandemic has two sides but I prefer to take the positive impact. The current crisis provides us as a family an opportunity to reconsider our lives, and also to reconnect and show our social side, to rethink our habits and routines and make changes to find the true value in our lives.
Liliana Carrion, BMCC PM Bridge Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
2020 was the year that changed the world forever. I remember hearing that there in Wuhan was a virus making struggles in the city, and I just thought Wuhan is far away from New York. I don’t think it could reach us. How wrong I was.
Faster than I thought, the virus arrived in NYC. It was March 16th when I received several calls from my customers cancelling our appointments, and as if the news of not having a job were enough, I went from being a housekeeper to becoming a 2nd grade and Pre-K teacher. It was a real challenge for my kids and me; my English was very basic, and I didn’t even know that there were platforms like Zoom or Google classroom, and they didn’t understand why their school was closed and couldn’t see their friends any more. Everything was new for me and them. I remember days that all the news was bad news, the city was a ghost city, but in front of my kids I needed to be strong and make sure that my feelings did not affect them. I also had to find the right response to the many questions that they had about the new reality.
The pandemic year not only taught me how to use Google classroom and Zoom, it also taught me that having health and being with your loved ones is priceless. I couldn’t say goodbye to many close friends and family members, and I learned that tomorrow is not secure for anyone. We have to do whatever we want today. My life will not be the same after the pandemic and even though I paid a high cost, now I’m grateful for the lessons learned during this challenging time. I’m a better Mom, wife and daughter, and I want to take advantage of every opportunity that life presents me. That’s why I’m here at BMCC English classes because I don’t know what tomorrow will bring with it!
Susy Flores, BMCC PM Bridge Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
I remember the day that DOE decided to close the schools because of the pandemic and started doing classes online. I will never forget. My mind was going a hundred miles per hour. You could see in my face that I was stressed out. My eyes were baggy because of the lack of sleep. So many thoughts, I became a teacher suddenly. Every time my kids had a question about their assignment, I put my hands in the air trying to figure it out. At that time, I never heard about Google classroom. At that moment, I was laid off from my job, so it was perfect timing for me to stay with my kids at home.
The first couple months were so stressful for me and my kids, you could see my son’s face was dark and gloomy. When he couldn’t understand the teachers or keep up with them, he started crying and whimpering. Everything was new for them: typing, filing, submitting assignments, getting in Zoom, saving documents. Typing was tough, the fingers on the wrong characters of the keyboard, and when the internet was bad, that was another drama in my house. My kids got frustrated and started shouting, “ the wifi is not working, what is going on?”
At the same time, I was trying to be a teacher, explaining to them math problems, social studies, and things that I did twenty years ago. I was so stressed out, that some days I just wanted to cry and scream. Sometimes when I couldn’t sleep, I was thinking about those parents that don’t have computers or they don’t have enough resources for their kids, like internet, computers, or they have to go to work.
That is why I’m very thankful. It was a very hard year, and still it is, but we made it. There is still a lot of work to do, but never lose hope.
Sally Njie, BMCC PM Bridge Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
On January 25, 2020, it was Lunar New Year’s Day. I paid a New Year Visit to my friends. We all focused on the pandemic in China. We worried about the virus, and my friends prepared to buy masks, gloves, and sanitizers to prevent the virus if it came to New York.
Before I returned home, I decided to buy some masks. I went to a small pharmacy, and it had already sold out. After that, I went into two other pharmacies, and they had sold out too. I thought CVS would have some because it was a big pharmacy. However, it also sold out. I asked an assistant when they had masks. She said I might check at the store the next day. I went to CVS pharmacy in the next few days, but it still did not have masks. I was stressed out. I surfed masks on Amazon. I ordered twenty N95 masks with valved respirators, and I believed the N95 masks were better than 3-layer masks.
At the end of February, I received the N95 masks, and the virus was coming to New York. I shared my masks with my classmates and neighbors. I felt safe when I took trains because I wore my N95 mask.
One day, I wore my mask and went to a clinic because I had an appointment. A clinic worker told me, “You cannot come in.” I was surprised, “Why?”
The clinic worker said, “Because your mask has a valved respirator. It does not work with Covid-19.”
A bomb exploded in my head. I wore the wrong masks for several months during the pandemic.
Vivian Xie, BMCC PM Bridge Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
While I was at home and couldn’t go out, I thought of something that I can do while being locked for 24 hours during the pandemic. I kept on thinking how I could use these days and hours on something beneficial to me and that was to cut the circle of smoking addiction. It was hard in the beginning because I started to smoke when I was just 12 years old. My friend and my neighbors always told me that I am dreaming because no one is stronger than addiction, so I had to work harder because I know that if I can show them that there isn’t anything named addiction , it would prove to them that there isn’t any such thing, and it would help them to quit.
Last year, according to the CDC, cigarettes have killed more than 480,000 people. Think about that number but the media never talks about the death of cigarettes because the government is making a lot of money from it.
There is something stronger than any addiction and that is called mind of determination. If you focus on not doing something, and you are determined, and no means no day by day, your self -confidence will grow and you will see that you can accomplish anything without having someone telling you, you can or you can’t. You should be the captain of your ship, and you will take your ship anywhere you desire to go and maybe in between you will lose your way but remember where you were heading and don’t get discouraged or distracted.
Mohamed Nabawiy, BMCC PM Bridge Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
It has been more than a year since the outbreak of the pandemic. We all experienced something that we were unable to imagine before the pandemic. The first and most unforgettable experience that comes to everybody’s mind is fear, the fear that we will lose everything we have. Everything is not important except ourselves. We have been doing whatever we could to survive.
Yi Ding, BMCC PM Bridge Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
They were hard times, times of crisis, times of doubt and times of uncertainty. Nobody knew what was happening, nobody knew what would happen. We were not prepared for the unknown. I was a witness when the moment came, the moment when the smiles ended. Some just wore out and disappeared; others vanished behind the masks that people had to wear on their faces to cover themselves, to protect themselves and others from a virus; the virus that was to mark history. At that time, I was working in a pharmacy. I remember there were long lines on the sidewalks and no one could enter. All the people had fear in their eyes, nobody smiled, and I’m sure they forgot the gesture. They were desperate people and in pain. The brightness of their eyes faded. I felt like a zombie. I couldn’t sleep well, weighing in all those faces hidden behind a mask, in all those smiles that fill my being and make me feel human. Many things were sold out. There was no toilet paper, Tylenol, hope. The supermarket shelves were empty. I was afraid that I did not have something to satisfy my hunger. I remember that only the eyes spoke silently. I remember the aroma of those days. It smelled of fear wrapped in death.
Laura Tobon, BMCC PM Bridge Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
When the confinement began due to the state of exception I felt a lot of peace because it felt like a vacation from work. I wanted it to last a long time. After a month of being locked up without contact with the outside, or with people, I began to feel the beginnings of anxiety. I felt that my whole life was beginning to become so small. The news of the deaths was deep inside my head. There was no safe place, and having to go buy food made me distrust all the people, I did not feel safe in any place other than the apartment.
After six months that I did not feel like passing, I started to want to trust people. I wanted to go out, but I had already gained weight and my anxiety became social too. I did not like being around people. The fact of thinking that I could make something bad happen to my family terrified me. There were no ways that would allow me to go out and enjoy a bit of the sun, people, or having a beer and talking with my friends. The most that I managed to calm down were the video calls that my friends made with me.
After a year of pandemic, I returned to work, to life, obviously with correct sanitary measures, and waiting for the happy vaccine to arrive that could allow us to live again, without fear and panic attacks. I wanted to start an English course here at BMCC which is helping me a lot to develop my English and keep in contact with more people which makes me develop the confidence that I lost.
Now that most of the population is vaccinated, that I can go out with my friends, that I can be able to lead a normal rhythm in life that I did not have during the pandemic, I feel that I have grown as a person. I know that my life is not going to be like before. I’ll be better.
Paula Palma, BMCC PM Bridge Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
What is the end? Everyone would say simultaneously “oh! It is what it is. That means you are finished, you are done.” I might say that same thing if I have not experienced that thing. Right now I will say, “it is not what it is, and it means a beginning and new life.”
In the first three months of the pandemic, that was my tough time. When I look back, I do not know how I could weather the bad situation. I lost 20 pounds in the first three months, and I ate a meal a day. Also, I was trying to keep inactive at all times to avoid losing any unnecessary energy. After the first three months, I ended the situation. I moved to Manhattan, and I left Queens where I had been living for a long time and have a lot of good and bad memories.
The first day in Manhattan, I was depressed and helpless. I thought about how I could live well in a new place, especially during the pandemic. Regretful thoughts filled my mind, and an unclear future was on the way. However, the fact was opposite of my thoughts, and I got new friends, and we cooked meals together and shared food. Also, one friend shared his positive attitude and words. He said, “The end of man, the beginning of God.” His enthusiasm inspired me. After that, I feel like my regular life is coming back. My weight has gained, and my soul is no longer in pain. The man’s ending, God’s beginning.
In my pandemic year, there were many tough things, but when you are determined to overcome the hard circumstances, you will get a new and different way. Even though I do not know if the next step is good or bad, it will always arouse me—– the end of man, the beginning of God.
Jin Chen, BMCC HSE R Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
March 2020, everything changed. The nation, for safety reasons, had to stay in
to keep from each other due to the outbreak. The world as we knew it stopped. For me, the pandemic was hard to deal with because I’m so used to being around people. My job required me to be near clients and to be very hands-on. I was a personal shopper for a high-end department store responsible for pulling looks for photoshoots, mannequins, and private clients.
I was depressed from the stress of not knowing what’s next to happen which kept me up at night. So I gravitated to the internet, coming across many sales and apparel websites I never knew existed t. It kept my mind off of the dreary state of the world. Even though I or the world couldn’t get together, people still didn’t want to lose themselves. It’s terrible enough everywhere you could get self-care from, like salons and barbershops, were closed. Everybody still wanted to look nice. We still had birthdays, anniversaries, and graduating classes to celebrate via zoom calls.
My clients, friends, and family members were reaching out to me to help them figure out outfits so they can feel a little normalcy on their special day. They were contacting me and helped me to realize my talent and strengths and what I wanted to do with my life. I want to be an influencer, and creator, and designer. The pandemic sat me down and helped me realize my talents and how much I meant to the people I helped and made me want to do that on a larger scale.
Jawann Antley, BMCC HSE R class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
During the pandemic year, a lot of things have changed. People have to stay home in order to avoid getting sick. A lot of stores and restaurants are closed because of the COVID. For me, the biggest impact was what was happening in the Asian Community.
The very first case of Coronavirus was found in China, then it hit us in March of 2020. It is where the Asian-Hate started to grow. A lot of people started to attack the Asians and tell them to go back to their country. For me, being an Asian that has lived in the states for so many years, it is hurtful to see this is actually happening, in other words helpless and desperate. It really hurt me when people said “F— Chinese, go back to your F—ing country.” I am an immigrant myself. We, or most of us, maybe all of us, came to the states for a better opportunity and a better life. We came here to chase the American Dream, not to become the American’s target. Then for the Asians who were born here, where they should go? This is their country. This is their home.
The people pushed even further. Teens were stabbed, women were burned down, and elders were attacked. Elders!? I just don’t understand what is going on right now? They don’t even have sympathy. What if this happens to your grandparents? I thought that the virus was our enemy, not the Asian. For us Asian, we can’t be humble anymore. We need to stand up and fight for our rights. For us people, we need to come together! We need to support each other! There’s no more yellow, black or white; we are fighting the unknown. It’s time for us to come as a union in order to survive this.
Ka King Fong, BMCC HSE R Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
On March 3, 2020, I was entering a homeless shelter. I walked in with a book bag and 3 kids. My stomach was full of butterflies and knots. As we waited, my children ate sacks of lunches that the shelter provided. I sat in my seat dozing off. Then I heard my number called loudly, 7118 over the intercom. A woman with the softest voice began to explain to me what she was doing to help me. I agreed for service. I was saying God is finally answering my prayers. I was running from a domestic violence relationship.
My 3 kids and I boarded a yellow bus. It was cold. My kids were tired and asked many questions. The bus drove to a location unknown to me. A caseworker greeted us. She told me the rules, curfews and what they provide while in shelter. As I got settled in, I started reflecting on how I can make the best of this situation, without feeling defeated. I lay on my bed and prayed to God to show up and show me.
The next morning I woke up to missed phone calls, and voicemails. We didn’t have a TV at the shelter, so I didn’t know about the Virus. I was contacted by a caseworker in the building saying I could not leave the unit at a certain time and that we had to wear masks. We had no caseworkers in the building. Just three security guards. I couldn’t believe that the moment I try to get help, I will not because of the pandemic. I was lost. I had to wait a whole year to get my case open to get a voucher to move. By the time the first of the year came, I had been to 5 shelters. I cried and had sleepless nights. But one day, I woke up and knew I had to fight back. I know I’m gonna have to make the best of it. I enrolled in school. I got mental health, as far as a therapist. I learned to start doing self-care. I am moving soon. The pandemic taught us to understand life is more than materialistic things, but to live life because it may be your last.
Tenisha Johnson, BMCC HSE R Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
During the pandemic, the hardest part for me was the lockdown. As an immigrant not being able to go home and see my loved ones, I was afraid of what if something happened to one of my family members, what will I do, how will I get to them. Usually, around June or July, I always take a trip back home to see my family, so this being out of the question now was very upsetting. I remember my sister calling me with worries filled in her voice thinking that it was safer back home because the virus wasn’t as severe as it is here in the United States. She calls me every single day to keep me company and to assure me that they are all fine and there’s nothing for me to worry about. She would tell me stories about how my how early mommy used to wake us up to pray Fajr (morning prayer) which is like 5 in the morning. She used to use water to wake us up or take off our blankets and say, “ya better not go back to bed, you ain’t the devil’s daughters.” Remembering this made us laugh and forget our worries for a moment. Still, these thoughts came to mind, will this be the last time I will see my family, will this become the norm? The lockdown has taught me to enjoy life more, be adventurous, love, care, and appreciate my loved ones.
Ndeye Kane, BMCC HSE R Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
Who ever thought in one year the world would become like this? We were living our lives just fine and suddenly a virus came and put the world upside down. This is the first time in my life I ever experienced something like that. A lot of people lost a loved one, their job, their houses, and didn’t have anything to eat. My pandemic year was scary and stressful. When you need to go to the supermarket, you have to stand in lines every time, and also you cannot go outside without a mask. Everything happens for a reason. My pandemic year made me learn how to be grateful. Grateful for my life because a lot of people lay down in the hospital fighting for their lives. Grateful for my job when some people don’t even have food to eat. My Pandemic year makes me grateful for all of that I used to take for granted when some people were fighting for them. Sometimes you don’t see what you have until you lose it. The best thing to do is stop complaining about what you don’t have. Start to appreciate what you have. The thing that you take for granted some people are praying to have them. Some people think happiness is when you are with other people, but my pandemic year made me realise nobody can give you happiness because my happiness depends on me. I’m the only one responsible to make it happen. I used to take my job for granted, complaining every time about too much work. Because of the pandemic a lot of people lost their jobs when I still have mine. There are still unemployed people who cannot get their job back yet. One thing I learned from my pandemic year is to appreciate what I have.
Rose Lalanne, BMCC HSE R Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
In 2020, the world was hit with a pandemic. The pandemic has affected my life so much that I can’t even begin to explain. The pandemic has forced me to wear a mask. It has forced me not to see my family and friends.
In 2020 when the pandemic hit my life became kinda paranoia. I had to tell my son that he wasn’t able to visit me because I was afraid that he would bring me covid-19. That was one of the worst days of my life. I was used to seeing my son every day. The pandemic has caused me not to go to my brother-in-law’s funeral, and it hurts me to my heart. I cried every night because I felt I wasn’t there for my sister.
I was forced to order my food from stores and have it delivered to my door. The pandemic caused me to order my furniture online instead of going to the store. Covid has caused me to wear a mask everytime I open my door because of my paranoia of catching covid-19.
The pandemic has caused me to wear a mask in everything that I do. Covid-19 has caused me to stay away from my family and friends because I was afraid of getting sick. I was afraid that I would get them sick also. I had to do shopping online instead of going to the stores. The pandemic has caused so much chaos in my life.
Victoria Reese, BMCC HSE R Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
This pandemic brings fear, death, and uproar; however, it also brings lessons and awareness. Awareness of the world we live in and, most importantly, awareness of self. I have learned so much about myself, such as my strengths and my weaknesses. I’ve also realized that some of the things I thought were strengths were my weakness, and my weaknesses were my strength. I used to think my emotions made me vulnerable, a target in this heartless world. I now know that my feelings make me unique, and my ability to function through them is a shock even to myself.
From losing my job, losing my father shortly after, and so many more losses I’ll not name. All this chipping away at my mind, heart, spirit, and will to want to go on. Me, the optimistic Leo, in such emotional turmoil. Feeling so low, the only thing I could do is crawl within myself, like a wounded lion looking for a palace to hide and lick its wounds until she can defend herself again. I stayed to myself, gave into, and allowed myself to grieve. I allowed myself to reflect. Going through it instead of trying to run away from the hurt helped me see my silver lining.
My silver lining came from lessons and growth. Learning what to let go of and what to embrace is the greatest lesson I’ve learned so far. Letting go of doubt and collecting no more regret and stop procrastinating are some of the things I’ve released along the way. I’m going to put my mind and body in motion and relinquish any insecurity or self-doubt because time waits for no man or woman. Time to start doing things I keep telling myself I can’t do, like obtain my TASC. I had to stop telling myself I’m too old, it’s too late, and I’ve learned not to be ashamed of not only wanting more but pursuing more. I am confidently lost; however, I’m finding myself, and it feels good. So in a sense, I’m thankful for my pandemic year; it illuminated me.
Seleana Scala, BMCC HSE R Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
My life is pretty much at a standstill thanks to Covid-19. Everywhere around me, there were problems and disasters. It is easy to think of all the gloom and doom. It was extremely hard to think about things like where is my life headed? Honestly, isolation became the best time for me to explore who I was as a person, and what I wanted to do with my life.
I learned so much about myself during the lockdown. I became more irritable, fearful, and started to feel very anxious. My relationships suffered because I had a hard time connecting with myself. I felt like I was losing myself, barely pushing through for periods. I felt as if I was on autopilot. It’s extremely hard to listen to the voices of others when my own voice inside was so negative. I began to enjoy that darkness. I started to withdraw and feel present in that space. I was starting to hurt the ones I loved because I was drowning in darkness.
Thankfully, I found strength in myself and the people I loved. With much thanks to meditation, daily positive affirmations, and the help of loved ones, I am becoming more comfortable with being myself. Therapy has helped start the healing of relationships and is helping me to learn it is okay to put myself first. Working on myself is one of the best things I’ve done. Now, I realize I’m at peace with myself, and that’s the greatest feeling in the world.
Recently, I had a conversation with a friend about mercy. It is defined as “compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.” All at once, I realized just how brutally unmerciful I have been to myself. I tell myself things that I would never dream of saying to anyone else. So, every day I give myself mercy as I navigate through life’s challenges. Although I am imperfect I’ll give myself TIME to talk, pursue my interests, meditate, and love, and most importantly be loved.
Shalitha Scott, BMCC HSE R class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
For me, one of the things that was consistent was the fear of the unknown. I was 8 months pregnant during the height of the pandemic. Everything was confusing and stressful. The simple routine of going to doctor’s appointments was completely changed. I took my own temperature, measured my stomach, counted my heart beat and pulse, and described baby movement in my belly to the doctor virtually.
On the very early morning of April 6th, approximately 2am, I was in labor, so we rushed to the hospital. When we arrived, something caught my husband’s eyes. I was curious to know what had captured his attention so much. I noticed the tents we saw in the news across the street from Mt. Sinai east. The hospital morgue was so full they built tents in the park to keep the people that passed away from covid19. I felt numb, sad, and scared.
Upon arrival, my husband was informed that he had to wait in the waiting room until I was ready to deliver. Once upstairs I was shocked. The hospital wings were so quiet. There were barely any staff working. Most doctors and nurses were on the other wings fighting the deadly disease. My anesthesiologist, my nurse, and my midwife were all students. That’s when the fear of the unknown took over me. I was concerned and scared of the virus and on the other side I was scared they could make a mistake or didn’t know what they were doing.
But I kept in mind one thing and one thing only. There are thousands of dead bodies outside the hospital in tents, and I am here and alive. My son Legend was born healthy and beautiful. The fear that I had in me instantly disappeared. I was overwhelmed with joy and blessed to be a mother a second time to such a precious little person. I am grateful to the front line workers!!! You guys rock!!! #herosinscrubs!
Ghislaine Steven, BMCC HSE R Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
As for so many other people, this has been a year of suffering, survival and discoveries. Having suffered through Covid-19 at the start and very peak of the pandemic, it was hard not only for having to worry about my own health but for my sister Michelle’s, who suffers from paraplegia, epilepsy and is nonverbal. Therefore, she couldn’t communicate in any way the level of discomfort or pain she was in. Michelle was the reason that kept me on my feet long enough to feed, bathe, and soothe her pain. I remember being so sick, and the unbearable pain in every part of my body that made it incredibly hard to walk, while fighting with all my might to keep my pained and tired lungs working; taking care of her was my priority.
Being that ill, and also forced to stay in this apartment for over a year, gave me the opportunity to understand, dedicate time, and love myself a whole lot more, which was something I struggled with for many years. Self discovery never ends so now I see all the things that are possible. I have a ferocious strength within me, powered by love and an enormous thirst for life. I am looking forward to the future because there are many things I want to accomplish, some of significance and others just for the sake of proving to myself that I can do them. So, let’s do this!
Zekinna Vazquez, BMCC HSE R Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
The year 2020 was a year when many plans failed; hopes and dreams were shattered. It was a year that brought joy to some people and sorrows to others. I am among the many who experienced sorrow during the pandemic. On January 24th 2020, I was hospitalized for a non-covid19 illness and had my first surgical procedure. I was on short term disability for six weeks and looked forward to going back to work. I returned back to work in early March and was ready to catch up with my tasks and increase my skills. However, due to the spread of the covid-19 outbreak, it began threatening small and large businesses, which caused widespread closures. In addition, many people began to get infected with the virus. My company closed its doors causing us to stay at home. Our department conducted meetings online once per week and hoped for the pandemic to pass. On October 27th 2020, I received a call to let me know I was displaced, a fancy word for “we don’t need your service any longer”. At that moment, I was disappointed, confused, and mad at the same time at my supervisor because he had the option to say who goes and who stays. I was very frustrated because I was with the company for nineteen years. However, he chose to keep two other coworkers who have less time vested in the company. My goal was to work at the company until I reached retirement age. I invested nineteen years into that company. I no longer have access to any benefits and I was left feeling unsure of any future employment. I loved my job and my coworkers who were like family. I blame the pandemic for abruptly affecting my life negatively. I have always worked, and I lost my job and it forced me to be unemployed. I looked at life differently now, thinking how life could be uncertain, and things could change in an instant. I am grateful for the small things and I thank God for life and hoping that my tomorrow will be better than my yesterday.
Ezekiel Woods, BMCC HSE R Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
In March 2019, something unbelievable happened in the world, the spread of a very dangerous virus named COVID-19. I was working as a bartender, having contact with hundreds of people every day: Talking, hugging, touching everyone, and any surface.
On the 16th, the company where I work announced the terrible news: WE MUST GO INTO QUARANTINE. I was in shock. I was behind on my rent. The electric bill was in final notice. There was no pantry in my kitchen. I don’t have any savings. For a mom, it is not easy to tell a seven year old child that we are running out of food, that we have to eat just two times a day, we have to cut dessert for a few months, we can only get the basics in the supermarket to survive. I tried to apply for many of the government benefits but my migratory status is not applicable. Every time I tried to look for some help they rejected my application because I’m not a citizen and can’t get the benefits. As an immigrant and a dreamer, it is hard to believe that I’m on my own during the worst era in the world.
Daniela Osuna, BMCC HSE R Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
My pandemic year was all about self-reflection and positive energy. Although it felt like the end of the world having to experience such a year, for me I would say it wasn’t that bad compared to some close friends that had to witness family death. Seeing a lot of people dying for some reason brought me closer to my loved ones. I never appreciated life so much.
I came to realize that no matter what happens in life, your children will always be there for you. I saw how much my oldest son needed me in his life. It shocked me and pushed me to aim for a better purpose in life. I decided to pick up a book for the first time in years called “Think Like a Monk” by Jay Shetty. This book is amazing. It helped me outgrow the old me and taught me that not every situation in life needs a reaction. The connection I had with this book was real. It led me to cut all negative ties with the outside world and focus on a new beginning.
I also decided to join online classes with my son. It was a mutual experience in trying to show him that he is not alone and that education is very important for our future. Throughout the pandemic, I also got to enjoy nature and did not keep doing the same old routine like work and home. I got to travel to different states and visited some quiet areas. There weren’t too many people since the whole world was practicing social distancing and everyone was afraid of physical contact. It felt like the best thing ever, since I love some peace and quiet away from the distractions and riots. It was difficult explaining to my son the hard times we were facing. I am glad we overcame those hard times and transformed them into something positive.
Jesus Rodriguez, BMCC HSE R Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
At first, I said. What is going on in China? What kind of thing is this ? Thank God it is not in America. And then they said that the same thing is going on in France. I said to myself, thank God it is not in America. But the next week, I was watching news on CNN, and they said that there was one case in California. I said to myself, what is going on in this world? The next day they said that there was one case in New York City . What’s going to happen to me now? Please God help me. I just lost my only son. I don’t want to lose anybody right now. I won’t make it if something happens to my only daughter or my granddaughter. Please God help me. Some days later I was going to work when I got a call from my employer asking me not to go to work. I asked them why. They said there is a problem. There are a couple of cases and that’s why I cannot go there. So I got scared. I mean very scared and confused because I have bills to pay and don’t know how I am going to do it without a job. I stayed home for four months. The pandemic made see something I didn’t see before. People suffered from that pandemic. And people also learned from it. The pandemic gives us an understanding that anything can happen.
Aminatou Mefire, BMCC HSE R Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
Through union, humanity has achieved great things. Through staying together, they have conquered the toughest of storms. In these trying times, humanity should try its best to remain strong as a team.
Humanity has accomplished many great feats by simply coming together. Many civilizations have risen and fallen throughout history due to the unpredictable behavior of human nature. In modern history, the pandemic has been a challenging time for society as many individuals were affected both financially and emotionally by it. It has caused tension amongst the people, and racism towards Asians has been a malignant outlet for some to relieve the pressure. Prejudiced division has only brought nothing but worries for a country already in distress.
Observing all that is currently happening made me ponder how the recovery of a devastated world can be achieved. In the end, the thought of unity came to mind. It is the concord of mankind that I believe would put an end to all the evil humans inflict on one another. But alas, the shallowness humans possess prevents them from seeing the light in the darkness.
Chris Cordero, BMCC HSE R Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
Last year, it was one of the hardest years in history. I felt that the circumstances of the pandemic put everybody in jail. Yes, a jailhouse. We had to stay home all the time, every day, only going out sometimes to the supermarket or very rarely in the summer to the park. I felt like I was in the movie Mission Impossible. I became best friends with the walls of my house. When I used to go outside, I always had the panic of not knowing if people outside were infected. I had to act as if everybody had Covid in order to stay safe.
Last year, on March 19th, it was my birthday. I went to the Dominican Republic to celebrate, but there things were worse. They had curfew. I was mad on my birthday. I didn’t celebrate at all. I came back on March 20th, 2020. My sister had to stay one more day because the airline cancelled her flight. I was lucky to come back. My sister had to stay all day in the airport in order to come back. After she came back, they cancelled all the flights, and people stayed stuck there, people from all over the USA and other countries that were there on vacation. They stayed there, not by choice. I returned and came back here and stayed with my daughter since her baby was small. I was there for four long months without going outside. I looked everyday out of the window and saw people outside. My daughter didn’t let me go outside. I understand. She was concerned for us, so every day we woke up, ate something, watched TV, read sometimes, cleaned, and cooked. The food was very expensive. A lot of stores closed down. I am hoping this 2021 is filled with optimism that things are changing for good.
Josie Cruz, BMCC HSE R Class, Teacher: Moya McLellan
This is what life was for me in 2021, during the COVID-19 pandemic. My family and relatives helped each other during the pandemic period by calling, checking on each other, encouraging each other to stay safe, taking all the necessary precautions, and following protocol from the covid-19.
We all went to work during that time. Most of us work in a public setting such as schools, hospitals, and nursing homes. Our daily routine was work, grocery, online school, and home. Our social life was in the house watching TV and relaxing when we had the opportunity to do so. We attended church online Friday nights, Saturday all day and Wednesday evenings, or any other special occasion we had.
During the year of the pandemic our vacation was cancelled due to the Covid. We lost half of our finances because the whole world was shut down. All the travel service businesses were closed. Most businesses were doing transactions by answering service only. Even to this time we are still waiting on return calls from the various travel services. Businesses are closed; however, you are able to contact them through alternative methods such as email, text, or voicemail.
I remember vividly when we were advised to stay indoors and only emergency workers were allowed to go to work. We woke up the first morning. It was so awkward in the family setting. My son asked what I would do now. It was difficult for him to deal with the situation, just being indoors all day and night. My advice to him was that God will see us through. Only he knows the future. You can go and occupy yourself by playing games, watching TV, reading books, and communicating with others with your phone.
I thank God for being with us throughout the pandemic, providing our needs, and protecting us. I thank him also that we didn’t lose anyone throughout the COVID-19 because we followed all the protocol needed. Life was not easy. We had our moments when we felt lonely, confused, and uncertain about the future.
One obstacle I overcame in the last year was chewing gum. I had my moment when I couldn’t do without it. When I would make my purchase I would buy the largest package and place them in every hand luggage I owned. At no point I was short of it because I made my purchase every time I went to the grocery. During the year two thousand twenty I had no interest in my habit anymore. I lost interest–wow!!!
Two thousand twenty one I decided to take a vaccine to keep myself safe from the virus, I was skeptical at first because some people were getting sick and others were doing well. There was a lot of uncertainty toward the vaccine. I made my decision to go ahead and I made my appointment in March. I received my first dose. The next day I became sick with fever and chills but the second dose I had no effect. I am glad to be over with it and hope that it will help bring a better ending to this awkward year.
Sonia Karl, BMCC HSE Class, Teacher: Amanda Ash
Before the pandemic I used to work 5 days a week, 8 hours a day at my job. After finishing my work I had to run quickly to the train station to take the 2 train that would take me to the Bronx because I had to pick up my little son – 3 years old -from daycare. This place took care of my son from 7:00am to 6:00pm. Then I had to pick up my other son, 7 years old, from a neighbor. This person took care of him from 3:00pm to 6:30pm after the school bus dropped him in front of my building.
When we arrived at home I had to cook for my husband. He comes home at 11:30pm every day. He is a chef in a restaurant. I also needed to help my son do his homework or check if it was done. Next, my kids took a shower before sleep, so it was my routine every day, not counting weekends.
But in the pandemic time, the company that I was working for 3 years closed on March 17. I stayed at home, the schools also closed, some restaurants, activities suspended and mandatory use of masks.
My routine changed. I am an active person that can’t stay seated on the couch. It was so quiet in the street without people, and the parks closed. I heard the first days in the News in Spanish the issue this virus was causing. Looking on the TV screen, many people dying, also looking at funeral homes for many dead people. I was very sad to see families crying because they couldn’t visit their families and friends.
After three weeks, on a Monday, I was at home with my two kids, they are taking a remote class. So that day I felt a little weak and had pain in my feet, but I never believed that I got Covid 19. I was in pain for about one week. After those days I was busy at home with remote classes, homework, cleaning, cooking and reading books together with my kids. All that time believe me I did not watch TV for news; only we saw movies, series and projects from my child’s school.
It was around three months inside of a small apartment. I only left on Mondays. I went to the supermarket to buy a lot of fruit, vegetables and other essential things for home.
My husband didn’t stop working. Instead of using the 2 train, he used our own car to travel to his work.
I stayed at home. I was more focused on my kids, playing, cooking desserts that I never tried before and on technology, using computers, I discovered much of what I knew before.
I realized that my God gave me a second opportunity to enjoy life with my beautiful family and look at their faces of happiness. One of my sons asked me, “Why are you at home every day Mom?” I said, “I am at home because outside there is a virus called COVID 19 and it is very dangerous. A person who catches that virus can die or have a chronic illness all around the world.”
“I love Mom,” both said that phrase. I almost cried from emotion. After the three months we could get out for a short time; it was enough time to go to the park, the first place where they wanted to go every time with a mask, gloves and sanitizer in my bag. We felt like a bird out of their cage.
Free in the air! My kids were so happy they ran fast, screaming “I am free I hate this virus.” My special person, my husband, was important because he decided to keep working. In those difficult days I was very scared because he may have contacts with customers. But thank God nothing has happened. My family and our families in our counties are safe. It’s already a year and everything is changing little by little. The city of New York will be the same or stronger. I hope with this pandemic, people turn their minds to something that can help a community, friends and families who are in need at this time.
Myrian Chango, York Adult Learning Center HSE Class, Teacher: Marguerite Brown
The use of hand sanitizers, rubbing alcohol, and wearing gloves and mask were my usual routines for me being a health care worker, but who knew I would have to do the same when I’m off the job. Going to the stores, doctor’s office, visiting friends and loved ones was quite normal. Like many other viruses, Corona came and I thought it would leave shortly as the others did, but I thought wrong because, after a year it seems as if there’s still a long way to go.
The year might have slipped by so quickly, but it will long be remembered in many different ways. It took some loved ones’ lives, prevented some from sleeping and some just had to stay away from their family in the name of quarantine. I had to fight fear in order to survive.
As each day approached, I prayed to see the end of this deadly virus. I was tired of what it was doing and how miserable it was making me feel. Even though I had a job, I missed having fun. I hated living in isolation. This had become the new normal since I had to practice social distancing. Can you believe it? No hugs, no parties and then you have to be very careful about inviting or accepting invites from friends because some people’s body carries the virus under disguise, so I had to cancel my vacation.
Corona, you have celebrated your first birthday, please don’t stay around for the second. You are one story I want to read about in history. Your presence is filled with too much pain and sadness. I wish you could disappear and take all your new relatives with you. However, until you do so, I will continue to wear my mask, sanitize, and wash my hands more, and as much as it hurts, I will keep my distance while socializing.
Clothel Henry Fletcher, York College HSE class, Teacher: Marguerite Brown
This was a terrifying year for me, the start of the pandemic that started in China. The body count started, and people started to drop. It saddened me because the United States could have prevented the high numbers of deaths. I was worried that my family wasn’t safe, that I wasn’t safe. Looking back from when it first started, the world wasn’t alarmed. They thought it would have been a little storm, but that little storm became a nightmare for millions of families. I’m shocked that a vaccine that they recently got to distribute is saving humans – why didn’t they rush that from the beginning when the world needed it? It’s wild that one day the world was at peace, then came a virus that almost wiped out the world! It worried me about what else could happen.
I was working at CVS when the pandemic was exploding. It was a rough time seeing the reaction of some people handling the pandemic. The world itself was changing. There were times I would witness individuals fighting over material things such as toilet paper. I was seeing customers fight and disagree about who could have the last hand sanitizer. I didn’t think the pandemic could have such an effect. I understand the pain mankind had to endure. Dealing with the fact of their loved ones suffering and passing away breaks my heart. I wish the pandemic never came about.
The pandemic has been affecting the food system, closing all the borders around the world. There’s families that can’t even visit family members because of the fact that the virus is a danger. Millions of enterprises are facing existential threat. The States was no help. We are called the land of opportunity. When the opportunity for help came, when the world was suffering, they waited too late. People are still jobless; livelihoods are still at risk; women and men are under threat. I believe the people across the world will stand up to this virus and we will become a beautiful place again. As we speak India is suffering; why isn’t there any support for a country that poor? It opened my eyes: deceased family members were burned on the street; there was no resting for India. The virus brought the world together. Hopefully the world would never have to bear witness to such tragedy ever again.
Adrian Fernandes, York College HSE Class, Teacher: Marguerite Brown
When I first started Ms.Brown’s class two years ago, I was so bewildered ,and didn’t know what to do….until I told myself try to be complex with the work–really think harder.
When COVID-19 happened, I remember saying to my family, “it’s not that bad if we see each other every day.” Morning to night, we stayed home for a very long time. I tried to convince myself to read a little more during the long stay, which brought a big stress on me. I feel like the house is closing in on me– kids’ putting a big strain to make a bad situation worse; school closed for every one; the country really in standstill. That was a confusing moment for my kids and I. All of sudden I became a teacher– Wow!! The real teacher kept calling me about the kids. Why are they not in school? She was referring to online learning and Zoom, which I did not know anything about. It wasn’t an easy task at all. I really needed this disease to go away, especially the online virtual school stuff.
Well in May 2020, I succumbed to the serious mental hurdles happening to me. One neighbor decided with four of her family members to enter my home to fight my daughter and it was very devastating for us. I had to ask myself how can this be? We never interact with them. We don’t even know their name. For the past seven years I have resided there. I was confused also. We have always been outcasts. .I was also mad and very angry. How and why? My children and my grandson were also there. Thank goodness we’re okay. It could’ve gone a different direction. It could have been like the Capitol when I saw the insurrection on television. I remember the first person I texted was my teacher. I could not believe it . I said WOW! The world is a very sad and dark place
First the virus hastily killed over 3million people worldwide according to an NBC report . It was a staggering moment for me. I truly hope never to experience that painful time again. It was like Armageddon. Even though that was a nightmare, thank God we overcame the hurdle.
Sherley Carmichael, York College HSE Class, Teacher: Marguerite Brown
Though certain things in my life have been impacted by the pandemic year, I would say I have so far been one of the lucky people who has not been too negatively affected.
Currently, no one dear to me has been infected and hopefully that does not change in the days following this publication. Those in my life who are especially at risk have been practicing social distancing and staying in their homes, as everyone should continue to do.
I have been fortunate enough to still be able to work in my house and help my family to do other jobs like gardening, help my husband to take him to the hospital. He had major surgery during the pandemic. I was with him in the hospital almost 7 days and after that, I took him home. After that, I took care of him at home for almost 2 months and now he is kind of good. I no longer work at a daycare, but I have a lot of work to do at home
I also became a grandmama. My granddaughter is the little cute one in my family. She looks adorable and she is fond of me. When she hears my voice, she cheers a lot and feels happy. I love her a lot.
The pandemic has also prevented me from being able to travel. It has always been my dream to visit other countries. My son and I were going to take the hajj to Mecca and Medina this summer. I was extremely excited and having to postpone the trip was quite devastating for me. I’m grateful that it was only postponed until next year and not cancelled entirely.
Even through all the negative things that have happened, there has been a silver lining. With having to stay inside and a light class load, I have gotten to spend more time with my granddaughter. Though it may be difficult at times, I am enjoying that time a lot.
Rita Pervin, York College HSE Class, Teacher: Marguerite Brown
My pandemic year has been the most challenging year of my life. It all started in 2020. It was the most traumatizing experience for my entire family, myself and the world at large. I will never want to remember this year ever. This pandemic year has affected my social life, my physical life, my school, my work and most of all, my well being.
When Covid 19 was aired on the news in December 2019, I never thought it would reach a pandemic, and I knew that there were others out there who were also thinking the same. Covid 19 torched the young and the old, the strong and the feeble. It affected every individual, and elevated emotions, hurt, and trauma, around the universe. For a number of people, it could mean making big changes in their everyday life, due to financial hardships and other overwhelming situations.
The year 2020 has affected my social and physical life. For example, everything was changing so fast. Thousands of lives have been lost on a daily routine, listening to the news was very depressing. Exercising outdoors or socializing with friends and family was not a comfortable feeling. Moreover, I was not allowed to be in large groups or gatherings. There were also guidelines and restrictions to follow for the safety of others as well as myself. This change had also affected my education by not attending class in person. It made learning more difficult being tutored remotely. The 2020 pandemic elevated fear and sadness at the same time.
Being restrained from my normal life affected my body. I adopted unhealthy eating habits. During those stressful days, I was unable to work for four months. I started with the symptoms of covid 19, and after seven days of quarantining, I was diagnosed and hospitalized for five days. Recovering from the serious virus was a very difficult task. Even today I am still trying to cope with all the changes the pandemic year threw into my everyday life.
Living in a pandemic was not an easy situation. It took a lot of my inner strength and happiness. “It holds my life in one direction”. Covid 19 affected my social life, my work, my school, and well being. Now that the vaccines are here, we are all trusting that the virus will be over soon and this pandemic will come to a close, so that we all can start living again.
Bibi Wallima Ince, York College HSE Class, Teacher: David Ben-Campbell
We all know the covid-19 pandemic has been one of the tragedies in the lives of many people. Many of us have suffered the loss of a loved one. Others lost their jobs and businesses. I can say we have learned to live with the pandemic, but none of this has stopped the world from moving on. Practicing social distance, wearing a mask, and getting vaccinated to get rid of the virus were the priorities.
Social distancing helps us to limit opportunities to come in contact with infected people outside our homes. The risk of getting the virus was obvious for everyone, that is; anyone can get and spread COVID-19. Spreads mainly occur among people who are in close contact within about 6 feet for a prolonged period. Spread happens when an infected person coughs, sneezes, or talks, and droplets from their mouth or nose are launched into the air and land in the mouths or noses of people nearby. This was a challenging time for me and my family.
Masks are a critical step to help prevent people from getting and spreading COVID-19. A cloth mask offers some protection to you as well as protecting those around you. Wear a mask and take everyday preventive actions in public settings and mass transportation, at events and gatherings, and anywhere you will be around other people. CDC recommends that people age 2 and older should wear masks in public. Wearing a mask was hard to get used to, especially when this never happened in our life.
Vaccines are one of the best tools we have to prevent disease and death in both children and adults. Getting vaccinated is one of the easiest things that we can do to keep ourselves and our children healthy. When I do that, I’m preventing disease, not just in myself and my family, but also in the communities where I live and work. Even though more people are getting the COVID-19 vaccine, pandemic precautions like face masks and social distancing are still essential to slow the spread of the virus.
Martha Jovel, York College HSE Class, Teacher: David Ben-Campbell
The year 2020 was a historic year with a pandemic called the Covid-19. It was worldwide and everyone was scared of what was happening. Statistics showed in every country and every state there were multiple deaths with the elderly people being targeted. There was much confusion, panicking and everyone was asked to practice social distancing.
Covid-19 was here upon us without warning. It was a time of uncertainty. People went shopping, bought a lot of food and stayed indoors. When watching the news, there were so many deaths, that people didn’t know if they would see their loved ones alive again. There were many medical questions asked and no answers from the Center for Disease Control. Many who had Covid-19 had to be isolated without their loved ones. Cleaning, disinfecting and sanitizing on a regular basis were important to prevent the spread of the Covid-19. Not only cleaning the homes, but also the buses and subways and when outside masks were mandatory. The world was in turmoil.
People were freaking out, because the media was reporting massive amounts of deaths per day. Nursing homes and hospitals were full to capacity, and patients were laying on the floor. There was a shortage of medical supplies such as ICU beds, ventilators, protective equipment, masks, gloves, face shields and sanitizing products. Patients were dying without loved ones by their sides to say goodbye. Morgues and funeral agencies were contaminated with the Covid-19 bodies. Bodies were stored outside in containers waiting to be disposed of. It was the most disturbing and horrible experience in a lifetime.
The importance of maintaining physical space when in public areas is to avoid large crowds and crowded spaces. Staying 6 feet apart and wearing masks in public places helps prevent the spread of the virus. Many others are staying indoors, and working from home instead of the office. Parents are staying at home with their kids who are attending school with online classes. Many are visiting loved ones by electronic devices, via Zoom and other video software. Some are cancelling large gatherings, ceremonies such as weddings ,churches, restaurants and outdoor sports to curb this contagious epidemic to reach normalcy.
The pandemic can seem overwhelming, but in truth every person can help slow down the spread of the coronavirus by doing their part. You can make a great difference to your health and the help of others around you, by following simple guidelines, such as wearing masks, self quarantine and isolation if sick. Get vaccinated to help the spread of this deadly contagious virus to the elderly, yourself and your loved ones.
Gangadai Sinanan, York College HSE Class, Teacher: David Ben-Campbell
In March 2020, my worst fear became a reality. It came like a thief in the night. The COVID-19 virus made its way throughout my city and the entire United States as we scrambled to prepare for the unknown. It was so surreal. I was hoping it was a bad dream and I would wake up from it.
My main reason for writing this essay is in an effort to allow you to see things from my perspective. My experience through this pandemic was crazy and heartbreaking. I must admit that this has been one of the most dramatic and significant events out of my 47 years on Earth. I reside in New York City. Yes, the epicenter of the COVID-19 pandemic. I have witnessed so much that I can honestly say that I will be mentally and emotionally scarred for the rest of my life. There is no unseeing what I saw. I really wish I could unsee/ erase all the horrific things I’ve witnessed. I consider myself lucky to not have been a causalty from this pandemic.
I’m a Health Care Worker. To be more specific a Patient Care Assistant at a prominent hospital here in New York City. In retrospect, the first time I heard anything about Covid-19 was sometime around the middle of January 2020. To be quite honest I didn’t pay much attention to it because the media always hypes things up, then after a few days or so it gets swept under the rug and on to the next story for high ratings. I’ve gotten used to the media reporting on stuff and then just like that no more mention of it, so I treated this as another hyped story. My Lord was I in for a rude awakening!
A few days later the coverage of this disease totally took over everything. The news media not only here in the United States but in other countries as well. I remember saying my lord this is not a trivial thing, it is dire. Shortly thereafter it was said that it leaked from a lab in Wu-Han China and people were getting ill by the second. They were not only getting severely ill, but they were dying at an exponential rate. This wasn’t like any other disease that occurred in my lifetime. The last time anything came this close was the terrible flu outbreak approximately 100 years ago where many people died from that bad Spanish flu. It was not until late February when I became more worried about the severity of the coronavirus. News about the quickness of the spread of the virus in Northern Italy began to circulate on American news shows. Then March came, and it completely changed the way things used to be. During the second week of March or thereabout, my school announced the transition from in-person classes to online classes until further notice. Again I remember saying to myself, this is serious. This transition was not welcoming because I am not tech savvy and this transition meant that I had to learn how to maneuver the computer and learn on my own as well. I wasn’t happy about this at all. The goal I had set for myself was put on hold indefinitely. I was drowning in self pity over this sudden change. It was totally out of my control. I guess there was this sentiment that things would go back to normal in a short period of time. I kept telling myself this, trying to be optimistic about my set back, only to realize, by the things that were being said on the news, things were not going to be as I thought. The sequence of events that took place in the following days after this completely changed the scope of the world around me as I once knew it.
On March 20, 2020, a Friday morning, Gov. Cuomo announced he was putting the Empire State on “pause,” meaning non-essential workers should stay inside their homes at all times except for critical travel, such as going to the grocery store or pharmacy. An unprecedented action aimed at curbing the fast-spreading coronavirus, as the number of cases in New York surged above 8,500. I know this might sound ridiculous, weird and out of touch, but it was not until this moment where it hit me about the severity of this virus. From this moment on, the following days were a rollercoaster of emotions for me personally as the world was changing so fast and there was nothing I could do about it. The great New York City on lock down?! No way! I guess the two words that best described how I felt at this time were uncertainty and anxiety. Uncertainty because I did not know what to expect from this whole situation and anxiety because I had no control over what was transpiring in a short amount of time. My goodness, I already have an issue sleeping; this is gonna only make it worse, I thought to myself. Poor me! I have to be honest; I was petrified to go outside for the next few weeks even though I had to. I have to go to work. I’m an essential worker. I tried to learn more about the virus, but it was difficult with the amount of misleading information on the internet. There is a problem with “fake news.” In our current state of affairs, it made me reflect on the power of information in society. My TV stayed on all the news networks. Even when I was at workm I was trying to get more knowledge. My go to network was CNN. I got sleep deprived even more because I didn’t want to miss a beat.
I would be lying if I said I did not have any trouble going to sleep at night during these tumultuous times, particularly when I kept hearing on the news that the elderly were more vulnerable to the exposure of the virus. This made me more nervous because my mom was 67 years old with underlying health issues. Even though scientific studies made it clear that the majority of the people dying from COVID-19 were people above 80 years old with underlying health issues, the thought of losing any family member was terrifying. I began to overthink the whole situation because I would be the one to expose my mom because of my job, and I would not ever be able to forgive myself if I did.
As I said earlier I’m a Patient Care Assistant (PCA) at a prominent hospital in New City. Shortly after the Governor announced the loc down along with restrictions that applied to nursing homes and hospitals, my job immediately made new rules to abide by such as wearing masks and proper PPE to protect both their staff and patients. We were mandated to do a class on how to properly attire ourselves and disrobe, along with proper hygiene entering and exiting a Covid room. Oh my goodness all vacation time was canceled. Well, I thought to myself there goes my birthday time off. We were only able to enter from the back, all other entrances & exits were closed. All visits ceased abruptly. On my way home I saw steps and an entryway with a ramp being constructed. I stopped and stared and wondered OH MY GOODNESS we are preparing for mass deaths. Before I could leave the block the street was barred off. No entry.
The following day we were asked about where we lived. I am the type of person to query everything, so I asked why. The response was that they needed an idea of how many people were living at what locations so as to give feedback to the MTA. This information will allow them to know how many essential workers live in an area so that the MTA will know what interval to keep the buses and trains running in a timely fashion to get us to work on time to care for the influx of sick people we were about to encounter. Holy mackerel, this means I would have to get up way earlier than I normally would. Calling out was a BIG NO NO in this crisis. LORD HELP ME! I sighed .
My typical day begins around 4:50 a.m. on the days I go to work. I do my normal routine, say a prayer, turn the news on, then start getting ready for work, making my coffee & packing my lunch. That morning my routine changed. I had to wear a mask outside and have hand sanitizer handy along with disinfectant wipes to clean my seat on the bus and the train. Can I say paranoid. My commute to work was a little off with the new MTA bus and train schedule. I barely made it on time, so I decided I will have to get up a little earlier in order to not be tardy because we did not have staggered punch-in at work .
Upon starting my shift we were briefed on the all the the protocols and guidelines we had to follow. We then proceeded with our daily tasks. The first couple of days were OK. I thought to myself well I guess we won’t get hit as bad as they thought. On my way home, it was not so great because the buses were now picking up only a certain amount of passengers. We were then only able to board at the rear of the bus. Fares were canceled if you took the bus, but fare was required if you boarded the train. People were arguing with each other nonstop. They were arguing about not wanting anyone sitting next to them. People were arguing with each other because the next person refused to wear a mask. I mean people literally were about to throw blows at each other! I was in awe at the whole thing. Riders were constantly arguing why they aren’t gonna wear a mask? It’s a hoax and so forth. People were even arguing with the bus drivers about allowing people in the bus without a mask. I remember a bus driver refused to move the bus because a passenger refused to wear a mask. I was so livid because this nonsense was gonna make me late for work after I got up in ample time to be punctual at work. If I am going to be late for work I want it to be on my own accord.
Well I thought we were going to be fine . Then there was mass admissions at work with Covid patients, oh was I wrong. I got to work and I could not even scratch my head. I am not even exaggerating. It was like a ship docked and started unloading passengers. Admission after admission after admission. Oh lord please give me the strength in order to make it through the day, I prayed silently. I have never experienced anything like this while working at my job. I made it home in one piece after fighting to get home on the public transportation
Upon reaching home I stripped myself at the door. Sprayed down my shoes with microban or Lysol. Put my uniforms in a bag and tied it up. There was no way I would even fathom washing them with my other clothes. This was both scary and unreal at the same time. I bought Dettol to wash myself first and then lather with regular bath wash in order to make sure I am good. Watching the news afterward got me more paranoid because the number of infections was rising and people were dying. I would watch the news nonstop until it was time for bed. Yes, news was the last thing I watched at night and what I woke up to in the mornings.
I returned to work the following day only to realize that the patients that I had left the day before were either on a vent, a non-rebreather mask, ECMO machine, or nasal cannula or had expired. This is serious. Like this isn’t normal. How can this be, I asked myself. Admissions kept coming up nonstop. I was doing EKG after EKG. Doing vitals on the patients more frequently. Just imagine suiting up to go in the rooms to do care, bring them their food etc. It was a sauna in those suits if you stayed in them for a prolonged period of time. You had no choice but to stay in them–you have to protect yourself and others. To make matters worse, you had to keep on the N-95 mask along with a surgical mask. The surgical mask we disposed of and we are able to get more use from the N-95 by doing this. Normally we would discard the N-95 after every use but there was a shortage so we did the best we could.
That same evening when I got home I was overwhelmed with all that I’ve been seeing the past couple of weeks. It started to take its toll on me. I was just making things worse for myself as I was news binging, literally surfing from channel to channel absorbing even more stuff. I would cry nonstop, nodding off briefly while sitting on the couch. This was toxic and doing more harm to me and I was not even realizing it. People were dying at an exponential rate both at my job and other facilities. I could not see my family as I normally would. The media was broadcasting about food rations and limist on certain items. Reporting on the long lines you have to join to get items and when you do get in, there is nothing for you to purchase. What kind of life is this? I am living like God knows what. In isolation from my family and friends. I can’t go outside unless I’m going to work or going to get necessities. What kind of life am I living? I didn’t ask for this. Tears started falling down my cheeks. Bawling my eyes out. Hyperventilating at times because I was full with so many different emotions which caused me to stay up at night.
Just imagine comforting people who are gravely ill. In most cases they are oxygen- deprived. If you are to feed them because they are so weak, you have to take off the non- rebreather mask and put the nasal cannula at a high rate so that they can get some form of nutrient. Even by doing this, most cannot tolerate being off the non-rebreather mask. So back to square one they can’t eat. You try your best to console and comfort them the best way you could by saying kind words and making sure you check on them frequently. Most of them were too weak to even ring the bell to ask for help.
Imagine working with patients who are non English speaking. They are sick beyond measurs. They are unable to talk to you, so they just look at you for help with the expectation of you being their Florence Nightingale, their peace, their solace. This is where humanity plays an integral part. Realizing we are more alike than we are different no matter our race, religion or creed. No one asked to be sick from this disease and it does not discriminate.
I started seeing people die right after doing an admission, even while doing an admission. Can you believe this? You get an admission and the person’s vitals are ok and all of a sudden oxygen plummets to 80’s, 70’s, 60’s. Unreal to witness and this became the norm for me as the disease took its toll on our beloved city. People having high temperatures, high heart rate, low heart rate, a kaleidoscope of things going on all at once. Nice mixture for them to call a code sepsis or intubate the patient.
Overhead all you heard nonstop were code sepsis, rapid response, code 99 . If you work in healthcare you know you are scrambling to get a crash cart to the patient that needs it. With all these codes happening at once or simultaneously you know the need for crash carts has risen. You are running all over the place to get a crash cart . If another code is already going on on your unit, what do you do? Put on your warp speed mode to run across to the other unit to grab one. If there isn’t any, decide if you are gonna go upstairs or downstairs to get one. If you luck out you don’t have to stop on all floors so as to get one. If that fails, then you head to the basement with your finger crossed that they have one ready. If not, then that is very detrimental.
I started crying because you feel helpless. You try to compose yourself before facing anyone, but if you wore eye makeup like myself, then forget it! Your face looks all black and messy. Needless to say after this happened to me I stopped wearing eye makeup because I was crying nonstop at work, while on my break, while consoling patients that are dying without anyone for them there. I literally just cried all the the time. I wailed so hard after leaving a room when the patient said “please don’t let me die. “ They hold on to your hand as if you can save them. This went on day after day. Every other patient asked me if they were going to die? I always tried to stay positive and told them no, encouraging them by telling them that they are fighters, and that they have a lot of life to live for. In many instances this was not the case. Let’s be positive here and smile while holding their hands. Me knowing I’m giving false hope, but what else can I do? I have to be their light in their darkest time .
I knew it was taking a toll on me when I was crying more frequently. Seeing the disparites in the healthcare system made it even worse for me and it sickened me to the core. I am a minority myself and felt that we were more likely to die from this disease because we don’t have access to regular doctor visits. We are more likely to have debilitating diseases just because. How about people deciding who they are gonna save or let die or get well to go home if they were lucky enough to beat this aggressive virus.
The pandemic also revealed how biased and flawed the justice system was towards incarcerated individuals. I feared for my son who is incarcerated because he wasn’t receiving optimal care and was only issued one surgical mask per week. Inevitably he contracted COVID-19. Should an inmate test positive for covid-19, they weren’t given sufficient quarantine time. Instead, they were placed back into the population with other inmates without being retested for the viruses. This has affected me mentally. Knowing that my son suffers from asthma and heart murmur I was extremely afraid that one day I would receive the most devastating news.
Went home bawling again because I’m helpless. I have so much going in my head. I can’t sleep. I’m absorbing all this information which was toxic to my well-being. I am trying to figure how best can I relate to the patients who can’t speak an ounce of English. I tried working on my Spanish harder because I wanted to be able to communicate with them more than ever. It was likely I was the person they would see the most because of my job title, and I wanted to make them as comfortable as ever. Imagine a patient asking you for something to eat, drink, a cup of ice or you even walk away to empty the bed pan and you come back and they are dead. How about telling them “I’m going on break, see you in a bit” and when you return they have expired. Upon finishing your shift you make your rounds and say “see you tomorrow,” only to come back and the bed they were in is empty, not from being transferred but from expiration. These patients become a part of your family because you are all they see everyday until they die or get well enough to go home.
My eyes have seen a lot. I will never be able to unsee or erase those events of Covid-19 at work. It was so bad I would call my sister, brother, mom and significant other, crying while at work because it was overwhelming. Excusing myself when a patient is about to be intubated after having a conversation with them or just got through doing care on them. Trust me, I’ll never be the same . I am not asking anyone, I’m telling them. I have never ever had to wrap so many bodies since I’ve been working in health care. Witnessing a line in the basement where the morgue is located. No room to store the bodies. My job had to resort to having refrigerated trailers to store the bodies. Light bulb moment, this is why the streets were blocked off and the ramp was built as I stated earlier in my essay. Trailers were filled with expired bodies so quickly. We even had security and police on 24-hour guard to protect the bodies.
I must say the community rallied to support us as health care workers. They sent food to us every day with all kinds of goodies. We received healthy food packages from the Salvation Army. The airlines came in and offered complimentary tea and desserts. They served us in an effort to be therapeutic because they knew we were under a lot of stress, pressure. The hotels offered free stays for the nurses so they didn’t have to go home if they were worried about infecting their families. The community would knock pots and pans or whatever they could find at 7 PM every night in appreciation of the healthcare workers. The firefighters and police officers also did their part to show their appreciation by doing drivebys, honking their horns or blaring their sirens and delivering flowers or pizza.
Walking in the streets, you would hear people here and there saying thank you for your service. It was a great feeling hearing this personally. The stores started making accommodations for healthcare workers who showed their ID’s and got to shop for their groceries without standing for hours in a line. Our union made sure we had access to therapy if we needed it, along with our employers. This was a great gesture but the damage was already done. Most of us workers didn’t want to talk to an in-house therapist, so most of us didn’t utilize this courtesy. I for one was afraid to tell my deepest thoughts because I did not want to be judged.
The Covid-19 pandemic made me more of an introvert than I already was. I was skeptical of people entering my space while commuting to and from work. Eating lunch in the pantry instead of the cafeteria . I was just and still am a nervous wreck. I wasn’t able to see my family on my birthday. I had to wrap bodies like crazy on that day. Can you believe it? Some birthday huh!? I came home sobbing and said what a way to spend & celebrate my 46th birthday. I felt sad, anxious, mad, overwhelmed–you name it. Same thing on Mother’s Day. I was not able to be with my family. Haven’t seen my family in months. My sister, her husband and my adorable nephew Connor did a drive by and left a lovely homemade Mother’s Day painting for me. They left it by the door, then called me to come the the door and wished me happy Mother’s Day from the car in the street. Of course that made me cry. That was so thoughtful of them to do. That night I cried on and off like a baby, saying how many mothers I watched pass away. I made reference to this because a lot of families wouldn’t be the same. Same goes for Father’s Day as I have seen many fathers passed on as well.
Covid -19 is a pandemic that comes once in a lifetime. I wouldn’t wish what I’ve seen on my worst enemy. I’ve been scared for my life. I will never be the same. Hearing the patients ask me if they are going to die, don’t let me die and for the ones who couldn’t communicate with me because of the language barrier. For all the patients I took care of as unknowns, all bodies that I wrapped in those heavy orange body bags as Jane Doe or John Doe. I’ll never be the same. I’ll forever hear their voices, remember our conversations for those who could speak and those with a language barrier, I will remember them always. I WILL NEVER FORGET THEM. They will always be a part of me as long as I live. It was a journey I didn’t ask to be on, but I was on it. It’s a life changing experience that came with loads of nightmares, sleepless nights, and spontaneous crying .
I am forever grateful to have been a part of their transition to another world. I was able to provide optimal care as a Patient Care Associate. I did my best to treat them all as family because those beds don’t discriminate. It could have been me or a member of my family if the table was turned. I treated them all as I would have wanted to be treated and would have wanted my family to be treated. Even though the COVID-19 pandemic has wreaked havoc on my mental psyche, I’m happy today that I did my best and I know all of those I came across are looking down on me and smiling. That alone is thanks enough for me. They have all gained their wings and are in a better place.
The pandemic opened my eyes to all the little things I often take for granted, such as seeing someone’s smile, a handshake, or a warm embrace. All of these things were not allowed and were seen as a violation of social distancing. Thankfully, there is hope and New York is slowly rebuilding and a sense of normalcy can be seen. This hope is credited to the Covid-19 vaccine. It is our light at the end of the tunnel and has already saved the lives of thousands of people. I strongly believe that if every eligible person becomes vaccinated, Covid-19 will be a thing of the past and we will resume living our lives without worry and restrictions. My 2020 was a rough one, but I am grateful to have made it thus far and to not have lost any immediate family members. Forever grateful I will be.
Candice Henry, York College Adult Learning Center, Teacher: David Ben-Campbell
